EDWARD M. TALIFF, PHD (The official chant by TPMS class of '14 and '15)
EDWARD M. TALIFF, P-H-D
EDWARD M. TALIFF, P-H-D
EDWARD M. TALIFF, P-H-D
EDWARD M. TALIFF, SAVE THE TREES!
(Can be sung to the tune of Rocky)
EDWARD M. TALIFF, P-H-D
EDWARD M. TALIFF, P-H-D
EDWARD M. TALIFF, SAVE THE TREES!
(Can be sung to the tune of Rocky)
ODE TO DR. TALIFF (By J. Nan, made possible by B. Cuckous-Wiley)
(IT'S HERE!)
Dr. Taliff!
Your class outdoes all others!
Your teaching is superb!
Who else could tell us to read the textbook in the way that you do?
Others, if they dared try, would say simply, "READ!"
There would be no learning.
The class would descend into mundanity!
But when you do it,
The awesome beauty and power of the textbook is revealed.
The knowledge held within is not just gained,
It permeates the entire atmosphere of your classroom.
Who else could copy questions from the textbook and give them as tests?
If another teacher were so audacious as to attempt such an impossible feat,
The questions would be horrendously vile!
Nobody would learn anything.
They would just have to read the textbook to know every single one of the answers.
But when you do it,
The questions are masterfully chosen!
Each question feels truly unique,
Even if it is still copied.
Who else weights all assignments equally, no matter how long or short?
Other teachers make longer assignments far more important to your grade.
They destroy the whole order and unity of the grading system!
On Edline,
There are so many different numbers to keep track of!
And sometimes, an even bigger horror is unleashed upon the students.
Some teachers give assignments
With point values
That are not multiples of five!
The math!
The fractions!
But when you do it, you understand that all quizzes are created equal.
You give each assignment its fair share of 100 points.
Calculations on Edline couldn't be easier!
Dr. Taliff!
Students everywhere sing your praise!
Who else receives $30 candy-grams from adoring legions of student-fans?
Who else has received the fantastic gift of a squad of ninja coders?
Who else HAS a squad of ninja coders?
Who else has a PhD?
And displays it, proudly, in his (or her) everyday title?
Nobody!
Dr. Taliff, you are truly a paragon of teachers,
A God to your students,
A champion of justice and righteousness!
Dr. Taliff!
Your class outdoes all others!
Your teaching is superb!
Who else could tell us to read the textbook in the way that you do?
Others, if they dared try, would say simply, "READ!"
There would be no learning.
The class would descend into mundanity!
But when you do it,
The awesome beauty and power of the textbook is revealed.
The knowledge held within is not just gained,
It permeates the entire atmosphere of your classroom.
Who else could copy questions from the textbook and give them as tests?
If another teacher were so audacious as to attempt such an impossible feat,
The questions would be horrendously vile!
Nobody would learn anything.
They would just have to read the textbook to know every single one of the answers.
But when you do it,
The questions are masterfully chosen!
Each question feels truly unique,
Even if it is still copied.
Who else weights all assignments equally, no matter how long or short?
Other teachers make longer assignments far more important to your grade.
They destroy the whole order and unity of the grading system!
On Edline,
There are so many different numbers to keep track of!
And sometimes, an even bigger horror is unleashed upon the students.
Some teachers give assignments
With point values
That are not multiples of five!
The math!
The fractions!
But when you do it, you understand that all quizzes are created equal.
You give each assignment its fair share of 100 points.
Calculations on Edline couldn't be easier!
Dr. Taliff!
Students everywhere sing your praise!
Who else receives $30 candy-grams from adoring legions of student-fans?
Who else has received the fantastic gift of a squad of ninja coders?
Who else HAS a squad of ninja coders?
Who else has a PhD?
And displays it, proudly, in his (or her) everyday title?
Nobody!
Dr. Taliff, you are truly a paragon of teachers,
A God to your students,
A champion of justice and righteousness!
YOU'LL NEVER BE LIKE HIM (Anonymous)
You're not as muscular as Taliff!
You're not as bald as Taliff!
You're not as intimidating as Taliff!
You're not as quirky as Taliff!
You're not as revered as Taliff!
You don't have a ninja hacker squad like Taliff!
You don't have a magic cabinet like Taliff!
You don't know your textbook like Taliff!
You're not as friendly as Taliff!
You're not as philosophical as Taliff!
YOU ARE NOT LIKE TALIFF!
AND YOU'LL NEVER BE!
You're not as bald as Taliff!
You're not as intimidating as Taliff!
You're not as quirky as Taliff!
You're not as revered as Taliff!
You don't have a ninja hacker squad like Taliff!
You don't have a magic cabinet like Taliff!
You don't know your textbook like Taliff!
You're not as friendly as Taliff!
You're not as philosophical as Taliff!
YOU ARE NOT LIKE TALIFF!
AND YOU'LL NEVER BE!